Depending on where you’re at in life, Valentine’s Day can be one of the best or worst days of the year.
If you’re with someone, then just go ahead and tick off February 14th as one of those obligatory gift days alongside birthday, christmas, and anniversary. However, the chances that you’ll have a nice meal, a stiff drink, and get laid are quite high, so that’s a plus.
On the other hand, if you’re alone, be prepared for a lot of pink, red, white and flowers being delivered to your co-workers and a pinching sense of loneliness that only shows its face once a year.
To deal with both the pros and cons of this fateful holiday, which originated in law-breaking romance and a tragic death for love, we’ve compiled some of the best tech-centric products into an all-inclusive Valentine’s Day Guide. Enjoy!
Pre-Valentine’s Day: Hbloom
Valentine’s Day preparation is often times more work than the day itself, and the core of that preparation lies in that date-opening bouquet of flowers. Luckily, HBloom has come out with a new set of Hero and Superhero packages.
What’s special about the hero packages is that HBloom delivers the bouquet directly to you on Valentine’s Day, while you’re at work, letting you be the “hero” when you arrive on her doorstep with a fresh floral arrangement.
The Hero package will get you one bouquet on Valentine’s Day — either a $60 assorted bouquet or an $120 assortment of 18 long-stem red roses. But if you’re looking for something more, you can sign up for the longer-lasting Super Hero package.
This lets you get three separate bouquets on three separate days, giving you the option to bring home flowers three days in a row or pre-plan for the all-important birthday or anniversary. The starting price of a Super Hero package is $165, and the higher-end version which includes a bouquet of long-stem red roses goes for $225.
Valentine’s Day: Uber
If a black car filled with roses sounds like your Valentine’s Day jam, Uber has you covered. On February 14th, anyone who requests Uber service will have the opportunity to order the #RomanceOnDemand package in the app. When your Uber arrives, not only will you have a set of boxed roses with a card waiting for you, but each city will have its own special surprise to go with it.
There’s no special discount on the price of an Uber, which can be expensive, but it’s Valentines day. Splurge a little.
Post-Valentine’s Day: Dejamor
Dejamor aims to keep relationships spicy, letting you subscribe to monthly boxes of romance. Essentially, Dejamor sends a his box and a hers box, complete with a set of instructions and ingredients for a passionate, romantic date with your lover.
We reviewed the service back in May, and found that the first couple months of Dejamor are relatively tame. The boxes included rose petals, a sexy handkerchief to potentially tie someone up, and a message-in-a-bottle type situation. However, the company tells me that more actual sex toys are worked into the mix as the service gets to know you.
You can sign up monthly for $34.95, or save a bit and sign up for a whole year, which brings the cost down to $29.13 a month.
Pre-Valentine’s Day: Crazy Blind Date
These days, whatever the hookup may be, there’s an app for that.
Might I suggest OKCupid’s Crazy Blind Date app? It uses OkCupid’s advanced algorithm for matching personalities, but translates that into a hot one night stand as opposed to a lasting relationship. Rather than browse through thousands of profiles, send and receive timid-yet-flirty chat, and finally plan a date, Crazy Blind Date just asks for some basic info, times of availability, and a location.
In fact, you don’t even get to see the person you’re going out with until the date itself, as profile pictures are scrambled inside the app. An hour before the date begins, the app unlocks the chat feature to let you enjoy a little text-based foreplay.
The app works for both straight and gay people, and has one of the biggest network of users to make sure you don’t spend February 14th all by your lonesome.
Valentine’s Day: Vibrators On Demand
Crave, the company behind a variety of sex toys, is simplifying the process of letting you do you, by offering vibrators on demand. Simply place an order through the website, set your preferred location, and a brand new vibrator will arrive in the same day. It’s no Jimmyjane Form 6, but the dual tip USB-rechargeable bullet vibe is sure to get the job done.
Vibrators are generally targeted at women (though far be it from me to decide who’s into what), so if you’re a dude who’s feeling left out by this particular idea, just watch some porn.
If you’re looking to interact with others, as opposed to diddling yourself, you can always try out the Now app, which scans Instagram to help you find something fun to do nearby.
Post-Valentine’s Day: There’s An App For That
As a single person, the months following Valentine’s day are transitional, pulling you from a winter hibernation into the possibility of a spring fling. But whether it’s a hookup, some harmless dating, or meeting your future spouse, dating apps and sites seem to be more and more legitimate as a way to meet people.
Everyone has a different style when it comes to online courtship options, so I’ve put together the following list of apps and websites that will help you get your groove back.
Coffee Meets Bagel matches you with Facebook friends of friends, ensuring there is some common ground in the relationship. It sends you one suitor every 24 hours, and if both you and that suitor agree to a date, Coffee Meets Bagel will send you a coupon or gift card for use on your first date.
Cheek’d is online dating in reverse. You set up a basic profile, and buy a deck of business cards (except these business cards have pick up lines on them like “I’m a lot hotter than your date”). The cards have a unique code on them that sends the recipient to your online profile, where they can contact you or decide that you’re the creep who likes the Postal Service and randomly handed them a pick-up business card on the train that one time.
MoonIt is a mobile iOS app that lets you browse through suitor profiles and then validate the relationship based on astrological signs. The app lets you chat and flirt, and with over 15 million users on the service, you’re bound to find someone who fits your type.